Divorce without court : a guide to mediation & collaborative divorce

Get essential information on how to end a marriage fairly and inexpensively.

This book guides you through a negotiated divorce, using divorce mediation, or an increasingly popular approach called collaborative divorce. Encouraging and straightforward, Divorce Without Court explains:

how mediation works.
how collaborative divorce works.
how to maximize opportunities for settlement.
how to get an agreement in writing.
how to find and use advisors.

Divorce Without Court provides the latest resources, contact information for state offices, national and regional organizations, and clear examples of what you can expect. With downloadable worksheets and checklists.

• Divorce Without Court: Your Best Option p. 1
• What Exactly Are Mediation and Collaboration? p. 2
• Why Mediate or Collaborate? Consider the Alternative p. 5
• Divorce Decision Spectrum p. 6
• You've Decided to Mediate: When Do You Start? p. 8
• Divorce Law in Your State: How to Get Accurate Information p. 8
• Getting the Most Out of This Book p. 9
• 1 The Role of Mediation and Collaborative Law in the Divorce Process p. 13
• The Four Divorces p. 15
• Keeping It Simple: The Uncontested Divorce p. 26
• Beyond the Basics: The Contested Divorce p. 27
• Long-Term Effects of a Contested Legal Divorce p. 37
• Mediation and Collaboration: A Different Way to Divorce p. 38
• 2 What Happens in Mediation p. 39
• An Overview of Mediation p. 40
• Introductory Stage p. 43
• Information-Gathering Stage p. 48
• Framing Stage p. 54
• Negotiating Stage p. 57
• Concluding Stage p. 62
• Assessing the Cost of Robert and Fran's Mediation p. 65
• 3 What Happens in a Collaborative Divorce p. 67
• An Overview of Collaborative Divorce p. 68
• Introductory Stage p. 73
• Information-Gathering Stage p. 79
• Framing Stage p. 82
• Negotiating Stage p. 84
• Concluding Stage p. 87
• Assessing the Cost of Cole and Traci's Collaborative Divorce p. 89
• Traci and Cole's Collaborative Divorce Agreement p. 92
• 4 Deciding to Mediate or Collaborate p. 99
• Is Mediation or Collaboration Right for You? p. 100
• It Takes Agreement of Both Spouses p. 113
• Comparing Mediation and Collaborative Divorce p. 113
• Making Your Choice Between Mediation and Collaboration p. 120
• 5 Proposing Mediation or Collaboration to Your Spouse p. 123
• When to Propose Mediation or Collaborative Divorce p. 124
• Who Should Propose Mediation or Collaboration! p. 130
• How to Propose Mediation or Collaborative Divorce p. 133
• Dos and Don'ts of Proposing Mediation or Collaboration p. 136
• Sample Letter Proposing Mediation p. 140
• Sample Letter Proposing Collaborative Divorce p. 142
• 6 Finding a Mediator p. 145
• Finding the Right Mediator p. 146
• Qualified Mediators: What to Look For p. 147
• Finding the Right Fit p. 157
• Who Provides Mediation Services p. 165
• Screening and Interviewing Potential Mediators p. 169
• Interviewing and Selecting a Mediator p. 171
• 7 Finding a Collaborative Attorney p. 173
• Finding the Right Collaborative Attorney p. 174
• Qualified Attorneys: What to Look For p. 177
• Finding the Right Fit p. 181
• Screening and Interviewing Potential Lawyers p. 187
• Interviewing and Selecting a Collaborative Lawyer p. 190
• 8 Using Advisers and Doing Legal Research p. 191
• How and When to Use Advisers in Mediation p. 193
• The Role of Family and Friends in Your Divorce p. 197
• Legal Adviser p. 198
• Counselor p. 210
• Financial Adviser p. 213
• Specialized Advisers p. 218
• Coordinating Your Advisers p. 221
• Finding Answers to Legal Questions: Legal Research Online and Off p. 221
• 9 Getting Started on information Gathering p. 227
• Step 1 Remember Vital Statistics p. 229
• Step 2 Assess Your Children's Needs p. 229
• Step 3 Locate and Copy Important Documents p. 235
• Step 4 Inventory Your Assets and Debts p. 238
• Step 5 Summarize Your Income and Make a Budget p. 246
• Step 6 Pause to Reflect p. 251
• 10 Preparing for and Making the Most of the First Session p. 253
• Getting Ready p. 254
• Mediator Approaches and Styles p. 262
• Mediator Neutrality and Bias p. 272
• Confidentiality of the Mediation p. 273
• Agreement to Mediate p. 274
• Take Time to Make Notes p. 275
• 11 Evaluating Your Progress in Mediation or Collaborative Divorce p. 283
• Evaluating the Decision to Mediate p. 284
• Evaluating the Decision to Use Collaborative Divorce p. 286
• Monitoring Your Progress in Mediation or Collaboration p. 288
• 12 Communicating in Mediation or Collaborative Divorce p. 291
• What Is Communication? p. 292
• What Can Go Wrong in Communications? p. 293
• Tips for Good Communication p. 294
• Tips for Communicating About Problems p. 298
• Handling Strong Emotions in Communication p. 301
• 13 Negotiating in Mediation or Collaborative Divorce p. 309
• We Negotiate All the Time p. 311
• What Makes for a Successful Negotiation? p. 312
• Prepare for the Negotiation p. 334
• Negotiate Clearly, Firmly, and Respectfully p. 344
• 14 Court-Sponsored Mediation p. 347
• Types of Court-Sponsored Mediation Programs p. 349
• How Court-Sponsored Mediation Works p. 351
• Voluntary Mediation: To Try or Not? p. 353
• Mandatory Mediation: Opting Out p. 355
• If You Can't Opt Out of Mandatory Mediation p. 357
• Preparing for Court-Sponsored Mediation p. 357
• Attending the Mediation Session p. 362
• After the Mediation Session p. 365
• 15 Encountering Difficulties in Mediation and Collaboration p. 367
• Four-Step Approach to Dealing With Difficulties p. 369
• Discrepancies Between This Book and Your Experience p. 371
• Delays and Disconnects p. 371
• Tantrums and Other "Bad" Behavior p. 374
• Extreme Discomfort in Mediation p. 375
• Impasse: Negotiation Hits a Brick Wall p. 377
• Last-Minute Changes and Demands p. 381
• Dealing With Persistent Problems p. 382
• Leaving Mediation Without Burning Your Bridges p. 384
• Where There's a Will, There's a Way p. 385
• 16 Writing Up the Divorce Agreement p. 387
• Interim or Temporary Agreements p. 389
• Partial Agreements p. 389
• Why Put Interim and Partial Agreements in Writing? p. 390
• Writing Up the Final Settlement and Finalizing Your Divorce p. 392
• 17 Divorce for Same-Sex Couples p. 399
• Changing Times, Changing Problems p. 400
• Same-Sex Couples' Divorce on the Interstate p. 401
• Mediation or Collaboration: Still a Better Option for Divorcing Same-Sex Couples p. 403
• 18 Women and Men in Mediation and Collaborative Divorce p. 407
• Historical Background p. 408
• Gender and Mandatory Mediation p. 410
• Gender and Voluntary Mediation p. 411
• Common Gender-Related Obstacles p. 411
• 19 Unmarried Couples in Mediation and Collaboration p. 419
• Untying the Nonmarital Knot: Opportunities and Pitfalls p. 421
• Successful Mediation or Collaborative Separation p. 425
• 20 Mediation and CoSiaboration After Divorce p. 431
• Dealing With Changes in the Divorce Agreement p. 432
• If You Decide to Mediate p. 433
• If You Decide to Collaborate p. 435
• Mediating New Relationship Issues p. 436
• Appendixes
• A Worksheets on the Nolo Website p. 443
• Editing RTFs p. 444
• List of Forms p. 445
• Additional Notes on Editing the Interactive Forms in Divorce Without Court p. 446
• B State Court Websites p. 447
• Index p. 451