Machine generated contents note: September 2003 -- Some ground rules; predictions for a baby's future employment; the opinions of grown-up critics; Legally Blonde -- October 2003 -- The embodiment of a cultural obsession; re-reading in the face of mortality; empty threats of violence -- November 2003 -- Unfinished, abandoned, abandoned, unfinished; the appearance of the Polysyllabic Spree; a zealous gleam -- December 2003 / January 2004 -- Clarification about lost Victorian classics; overrated and peripheral skills; living with an autistic child; advice on smoking -- February 2004 -- A modest celebration; the pram in the hall; in praise of the vernacular; jokes about commas; a fearful bashing -- March 2004 -- Plans for a carcass; Cultural Fantasy Boxing League; an effort to get back on course; the young Flaubert -- April 2004 -- Utter rubbish; a truth bent out of shape; unkind words about Amazon reviewers; upcoming Dickensian nutrition -- May 2004
Note continued: The secret of good writing; a guy who shouts "Goroo!" a lot; a long, lank skeleton hand; drippy Dora's bloody dog -- June 2004 -- The Croatian sex lady; the way middle-class people spend their time; a pregnancy scare; the support net; when Fischer played Spassky -- July 2004 -- A visually uninteresting family tree; nipples not left alone; a taste for hopelessly bleak Eastern European humor -- August 2004 -- A new baby; consumer fear; the appeal of the reappearing hero; the fourth-worst night of your life; a very pithy suicide note -- September 2004 -- The Jesuit Thing; Several Mistakes; Finger-Steepling And Sharks In The Same Book; A New Best Friend -- October 2004 -- Sex With Cousins; Yorkshiremen; Some Clever-Dick Reviewer; The Particularities Of English Marxists -- November 2004 -- Presumptions Regarding Cricket; Chekhov's Quotidian Life; Advice That Holds Good Even Now; A Lovely Little Mongrel Doggie -- Preface To Housekeeping Vs. The Dirt
Note continued: Nick Hornby On What He's Learned About Reading From The Polysyllabic Spree, Of All People -- February 2005 -- The Story So Far; The Kingston Trio In Curious Company; Islington Dinner Parties; A Totally Original Sentence -- March 2005 -- Weasel Words; A Thoughtful And Engaging Website; The Inevitable Incredibles Cash-Ins; An Elite Cabal; Bob The Astronaut -- April 2005 -- Ednit; A Quease-Inducing Trend; A Spoiler Alert; The Only Problem With The Labour Government; Gogol's Shoes -- May 2005 -- Surprising Action In Borders; Respective Tastes In Bird Books; Some Things That Have The Mucus; Greil Marcus On The Pet Shop Boys -- June / July 2005 -- An Excruciating Purchase; A Perfect Black-Body Sphere; The Announcement Of The Theme Of The Month -- August 2005 -- Rules Made By Pompous Twits; An Astonishing Hush; Ongoing Disciplinary Troubles; A Surprisingly Juicy Book -- September 2005
Note continued: Clearing Up A Few Things; Dismal Brevity; An Interesting Philosophical Debate; Bullishness And Self-Aggrandizement -- October 2005 -- Shame; The Holy Grail Of This Column Found; Some Very Specific Pomposities; The Ways In Which A Man Can Kid Himself -- November 2005 -- A Question Of Comic Judgment; Attractive Kryptonite Ashtrays; Impatience With Literary Fiction; Gay Abandon -- February 2006 -- A Lot Of Stuff About Farting And Wanking; Major Reading Experiences; Jay Gatsbergen And David Copperbottom -- March 2006 -- A New Tradition; Puff Diddle; Jolly Ukrainian Songs; Defining The Beginning Of Sexual Intercourse; Our Impending Death -- April 2006 -- Comparisons With Nikki Sixx; Sea-Creature Combos; The Price Of Egg Burritos In America; Use Of The First-Person Plural -- May 2006 -- Notes On A Shelving System; The English Equivalent Of Oprah; Musings On A Lunar Module; Unintentional Comic Elan -- June / July 2006
Note continued: A Very Grim Month; Brotherhood On The Road; Histrionics From Abraham Lincoln; Arsenal Makes The Semifinals -- August 2006 -- Crushing Disappointment; Life In Mississippi; Stuffier Compatriots; Small Beer; The Fruits Of A Southern Kick; Clumsy Crabs -- September 2006 -- Opinions About Scientists; Clever Cynics; The Flop And Bawl; A Spousal Downgrade; The Worth Of Weddings And The World Cup -- October 2006 -- A Scary Woman; Visiting With Permafrost Experts; An Offer From Exxonmobil; Toothless Writers' Unions -- April 2007 -- Endless Craving For Misery; A Double Burial; Experimental Novels From Slovenia; Advice On How To Deal With Favorites -- May 2007 -- The Musical Taste Of Ipods; Reconsidering Dated Smut; Thoughts On Tinned Food; Devout Catholic Wives -- June / July 2007 -- Breakfast Frappuccinos; Bacon-Flavored Potato Chips; Effortless Use Of The American Vernacular; Lippy Kids -- August 2007
Note continued: Index Entries On Greil Marcus; Life Behind The Berlin Wall; Antinomians; Up With Fiction, Down With Facts -- September 2007 -- The End Of The World; Kitchen Gizzard Experiments; A Passable Mick Jagger Impersonation; A Blank-Verse Novel About Werewolves -- October 2007 -- Defending The Honor Of A Pink Book; The Death Of God; Ten Adult Books That Aren't Boring; Weird Chimes -- November / December 2007 -- Helpful Cake Analogies; Hamstring Trouble; Unreadable Marxist Pamphlets; A Middle-Class Twat; Doublethink -- January 2008 -- A Fact-Finding Mission; Sex Education; Writers With An Eye On Posterity; A Sun-Lounger In France; Lovable Millennials -- February 2008 -- Learning To Read; A State Of Bolshiness; A Hydrocephalic Weakling; Cricketers; Titmus, F. J.; Hints On A Proposed Lordship -- March / April 2008 -- Stuff He's Been Watching; Misery Memoirs; Unpleasant People Doing Unkind Things; A Fascist-Killing Machine; Juno Backlash -- May 2008
Note continued: The Fate Of A Man Tired Of Books; An Increase Of Snazz; The Delivery Of An Unsporting Thumping; Mortgage Payments On Boxes -- September 2008 -- Specialization On Doctor Dolittle; Breakfast Made By A Chimp; Tolerance Of A Bare Breast; A Temporary Farewell -- May 2010 -- Learning From Ehow; The Old Days; Nude Tableaux Vivants; Failed Moneymaking Schemes; Delicate Moral Complications -- June 2010 -- An Invitation To The Oscars; Iconic Nhs Spectacle Styles; The Postwar Labour Government; Litcologne -- July / August 2010 -- Advice From The Brits; Tragicomedy; The Lost Booker Prize; A Novel-Shaped Manhattan; A Pisseur De Copie -- September 2010 -- The Return Of The Scientist Of The Month Award; Small Males; Possible Roles For Miley Cyrus; Words From Lorne Michaels -- October 2010 -- Painfully Cold Sponsored Parties; A Hunky Bad Boy; Negative Twenty Questions; The Moments On Which A Life Turns -- November / December 2010
Note continued: Shakespeare's Most Tarantinoesque Works; Instructions On Making Yogurt; The Time Before Funk; The Mau Mau Uprising -- January 2011 -- Literary Fattism; Sick Burns By Dickens's Contemporaries; The Difference Between Scottish And Irish; Bose Headphones -- February 2011 -- Postman Pat; An Mp3 Of Elizabeth Bishop; Diarrhea In The Book; The Universal Love Of Celine Dion; Good Goals And Bad Goals -- March / April 2011 -- Victimhood; Characters Who Are Quite Clearly Creeps; A Gift From The President; Cells That Grow Like Kudzu -- May 2011 -- New Forms Of Inadequacy; Married Bliss; Curious Descriptors For Lovemaking; The Dillon Panthers; Homework -- June 2011 -- A Worthy Opponent; The Hawaiians' Need For The Bible; The Favorite Television Program Of Mr. Gum; A Bald Assertion -- July / August 2011 -- A Certain Yen; A Surprising Anecdote; Incomprehensible Improbability; A Man Possessing The Necessary Anxiety; Required Reading -- September 2011
Note continued: A String Of Presumptions; The Definition Of Monogamy; Democracy Versus Hot Sex; An Ode To Body Shop Vanilla Shower Gel -- October 2011 -- Chopsticks; An Example Of Womanizing Both Real And Prodigious; The Gray North Sea; An Endorsement Of The Waboba Ball -- November / December 2011 -- Everybody's Favorite Literary Biographer; The Posher Papers; Old Tosh; Marshalsea Debtors' Prison; The Blacking Factory -- January 2012 -- A Lemon-Firing Bazooka; Unbearable Quirk; Wwoofers; Instances Of Transgressive And Sinister Sexual Chaos -- March / April 2012 -- A Second Chance For Sade; Plastic Carrier Bag As Madeleine Substitute; Taunting The Fact-Checkers; Friendship With Woody Allen -- May 2012 -- The Definition Of Creative Professional; An Epiphanic Right-Hemisphere Production; A Theory Regarding Nonfiction Books -- June 2012 -- Passing The Point Of Concern; Penal Reform; The Notion Of The Second Longhand Draft; A Month Of Fictional Bravery
Note continued: July / August 2012 -- The Future For Writers; A Frustrating Imagined Dialogue; Fitgerald's Rate; A Gum-Snap Young-Adult Voice -- September 2012 -- A Personal Library; The No-Snark Rule; A "Meh" Face; The End Of The London Olympics; Vital Supplies -- March / April 2013 -- Assorted Woo-Hoos; The Fashionable Rod Stewart; A Very Common Human Propensity; A Christlike Alter Ego -- May 2013 -- Casting Notes; The Transcendence Of One's Subject; Disappointment Regarding Orgies And Uzis; A Very Long Series Of Questions -- June 2013.
